We Live a Formal Existence?

Ever feel like no matter how much you try to avoid an issue, the more it chases you down? Sometimes it seems like when you neglect something the world works to bring it towards you, saying “OKAY buddy, you need to work this out”.  That’s kind of what seems to have been happening with me recently. I guess the universe works in mysterious ways.

I have never been the kind of person to understand “signs”. It seems, with me, whenever all arrows point right, I go left. Whenever they point left, I go right… and whenever they’re like f*ck it you pick… I… well, jebus I can’t decide. I am utterly ungraceful in my physical existence… but am even worse in my emotional and metal existence. The funny thing is I am a psychology major. Inner motives, emotional states, and mental disorders continue to amaze me and I enjoy observing others. But when it comes to me… I think I might be a tad bit of a mess, perhaps choosing to focus on how others behave because I can’t even understand myself (oh no… she’s hit rock bottom. You grab the booze I’ll get the cakes and pastries).

So formalities, what are they anyways?  They’re important (I believe…) but only if they are genuinely felt. They are a way to communicate your authentic gratitude and feelings about something. But perhaps when they are used too often, they become mere habit without the honest feelings needed for their base. When you take away the base of what formalities should be what do they become? They become empty actions. The empty action is then meaningless, utterly useless and insignificant. And the truth is ladies and gents, people can see right through it. That’s right! They may not say it, but people can sense a genuine feeling, or rather, lack of it. I generally find myself retreating after meeting someone that comes of a little… uhh… dare I say it? Fake. So why use such empty habits? Perhaps formalities can serve as armour. Their sole purpose, then, becomes to shield others from seeing who you really are (in a way). Politeness is generally accepted by everyone, you can never offend someone, you can’t hurt them and you definitely can’t get close to them. You lead a relationship on the surface. So essentially what I am saying is that politeness can be a sort of defense mechanism used by the fearful.

Truth is I use it all the time (which I have recently noticed). It seems like my existence becomes far too oriented towards the perceptions of others. Sometimes you just need to turn around and say f*ck it. I am not one to give myself away completely to someone, there always is a sense of formality, which I like and I don’t think I really want to change. But when the formalities loose their meaning, they end up creating copied and pasted characters essentially just leading a role play game, which is something I don’t want. You become comfortable in this “role” and without knowing it creates boundaries by itself. Being constricted! That’s one thing I hate, then why the heck do it to myself?! (aw sheit… girls be getting all personal). Well less personal and more… realistic. Little inner therapy session for Rav, if you will. Not that it is of interest to anyone else, but perhaps you have felt this way too? In that case you must say FUG IT friend! And you must spread your wings like peanut butter and jelly (NO! NEUTELLA O_O) and fly freely! *cough* anyways… I have an odd relationship with this bloggity of mine. Whenever anything is occupying my mind I can blog and it’s almost like closure on the topic. It becomes an opened and closed case, which is nice to have. A friend once told me that writing is cheap therapy… I would have to say, I can’t agree more.  

And that friends… well that fills me up with hearts&sheit.

~YEE YEE

Hearts&Sheit… <3 

Nirvana remodelled :]

Such a beautiful cover by Yuna Zarai, I just had to share it :}
*tear* She's such a beauty. <3

Communication and Telepathy

Unfortunately it won't display the artist but I got this piece from : http://browse.deviantart.com/?qh=&section=&q=telepathy#/d2peewc

So I don’t know about you guys, but when I think about the future of humans I see superrior beings that are super tall, super intelligent, levitate and communicate telepathically… (I am not crazy). Maybe it was all the Silvia Brown books, or maybe it’s an overactive imagination but… maybe this can be our future. O_o With my music pumped… and a half drowsy mind… lets doeit!

RAVS BOGUS THEORIES time… again. (I am so… so very sorry)

So recently I have realized the inaccuracy of human communication (well I realized it before… but now I would like to say something about it O__o). Communication is so very limited (yeah thanks for that Rav, it’s only been stated a few hundred times). But with that I have also realized the closest thing we have to human telepathy is empathy. The subjective mind can only express itself verbally to a limit. But to understand someone’s subjective state is a form of unspoken communication. But of course someone can just say your using your own mind to come up with a reason for why someone is feeling the way that they are and technically you might not even be accurately reading their emotions. This is very true, but I want to emphasize a situation where you know someone very well and understand them. Without much difficulty you know how they feel because of something and can predict it correctly. Ever meet that person that just knows when you’re down… and you have done everything in your power to project an I-am-having-such-an-amazing-day mood. “How the hell did they know?!”… I think for this, people need to have a unique connection with the person and similar personalities/internal states of mind. Maybe it doesn’t happen often because we cannot find someone similar to ourselves… but when you do… its damn creepy. I guess some people are better at reading others then we think. It truly is an art form, but then there are some that could not care less about the internal state of another but we shall not pay attention to those people for now… that’s right, you have no friends and no one likes you… (That was not bitterness… no, not at all).

How does a person become good at this? Empathy, like so much more of the human personality is genetic (of course psychologists now know that there is an equal blend between nature and nurture, both are equally important… that means they’ve stopped debating… finally. *cough* losers). But uh where was I… yes, so there are genes associated with empathy and the environment will either nourish it or cause it to dissipate. Quite obviously a family that values the feelings of others, verbalizes these concerns, and holds strong stability in their relationships, would produce a pretty empathetic child. And then there are social interacts and future influences.

Now what I want to look at though is the genetic basis of empathy. Now if we want to get all evolutionary and sheit, then I could say… maybe, through natural selection, we will eventually select for this gene and end up with… extremely empathetic human begins… which will be the equivalent to telepathic beings… O_O (ohmagawd). But what can be the adaptive advantages? Why would natural selection further this gene in future generations? Well maybe, since it is another form of communication (kind of) and humans are constantly trying to understand other humans (communication is an essential part of our survival) maybe empathy will be highly selected for. Also… our bodies are constantly trying to conserve energy, perhaps we will slowly filter out… verbal communication and turn to some sort of empathy/telepathic communication… (this sounds like jellysheit… I realize that. No I am not high… okay fine just a little… ON LIFE! : D *cough* okay uhh… yes anyways.) But yes… one more thing, perhaps our understanding of another’s emotions will also not be communicated through words (mentally that is). Maybe we could learn through abstractions of thought O__o… as in pure emotion? Perhaps like picking up vibes from someone… but not really… but in an empathetic kind of way… (if that makes any sense…). Anyways… just a fun little idea that I wanted to get out there. Eh eh call it what you want! (That might or might not be referring to Foster the People.)

Oh hai look what I found. It… It just fell down… from cyber space. Well your welcome fellow jellybean. Cheers. Keep smiling. :] (I don't know why, but I absolutely love their music video...)

~YEE YEE!

Hearts&Sheit <3 … &Telepathy! 

Romantic Love vs. Platonic Love?

This sculpture is called "Amour et Psyche" by Antonio Canova. He is by far one of my favourite sculptors. He was amazing. If you know Greek mythology you might know the story behind this sculpture of Psyche and Eros. If you know the story, grab a cookie, you've earned one.

A new way of thinking on my part: Romantic love is not a bad thing. To me it always seemed like an underdeveloped form of love felt by teenagers with raging hormones and an obsessive mind. Romantic love, I thought, would always lead to something temporary. But recently my thoughts on this have changed. The Greeks used to believe in many different kinds of love and especially that romantic love is just as real or true as platonic love. Their thoughts on romantic love are actually quite beautiful. They thought that romantic love is an experience that pushes one to try to become a better person for another (something that people are usually not motivated to do). The experience causes you to feel strong and empowered while simultaneously expose your vulnerability. As much of a paradox as it may seem, to them, it was a divine concept that held only positivity.

 Just because something might be temporary does not mean it is not important or should not be considered. Temporary always seemed like a negative thing to me. But it is not necessarily something bad. Life is temporary, furniture is temporary even our emotions are. The Japanese would make much of their furniture out of wood to symbolize the impermanence of life (damn Japanese adding artsyness in everything…). But the temporary nature of something should not take away from the legitimacy or realness of it. After an interesting discussion with my sister I came to this realization. To tell you the truth… whenever someone I would talk to spoke so strongly about “love” and how close they feel to someone, my brain rolled its eyes… (lol). I always figured that this sort of love is just…. Mm… well these people clearly don’t know what they’re talking about because they may feel this temporary love now but they will eventually move on. But now I think I realize that even if you do move on, the understanding of such an abstract idea is… enlightening. I am the type of person that always needs a conclusion to something. So abstract emotions, something temporary and inconclusive… not so much my thing. But I understand now (thank you Greeks… and sister…) that sometimes the very abstract and temporary notion of something can be the most meaningful and beautiful.

Upon further analysis (with sister Sehmbi of course) we came to the conclusion that people go wrong when they try to materialize their love. A feeling so strong and so abstract, we try to fit it into a person. We expect perfection and maybe people who are in this form of love are slightly idealistic. So basically what I am struggling to say is this: we try to materialize such a vast and abstract thing into a person, whether they are good for us or not, our need to materialize what we are feeling sometimes might outweigh the reality of a situation. But it varies… some people end up finding something very meaningful… while others end up with a heart made out of super glue and millions of missing pieces.  Our need to “tell” the person, or be with them is simply the want we have to try to explore and understand the feeling.

Some people end up a mess… and for others (who have found someone with the same feelings/ideals/concepts/emotionality) it works out. But the idea I’m looking at here is this: that one does not always need to express this feeling, and sometimes life seems to work out best when they don’t. When projecting this ideal on someone else (in an attempt to materialize it) I think we might only find disappointment (I am not saying you shouldn’t tell someone the way you feel, but I am simply saying that its always better to have an understanding of the other person and think about things realistically). Imagine romantic love with someone you know is not good for you. Your future holds heart breaks and maybe even never seeing this person again. So I guess my opinion on this matter is very… um individualistic. It’s an experience for the self that doesn’t always require reciprocation from the other person (but of course for those who get it, it’s always a good thing—if it works out that is). Sometimes the best way to channel something so abstract might just be in an abstract way. Think art, music, photography, or dance. Jez… it’s no wonder people sing so much on this topic, it’s a pretty damn intense one (Adele… I feel ya bro, I feel ya… not really…but a part of me yes). Anyways main point here: an understanding of a feeling that can be so divine cannot be fulfilled in a person… (sometimes it can :3). So… this energy can be taken out abstractly, just in the way that it came :]

Anyways a beautiful concept that I have open my mind to. Speaking of love… there is a chocolate chip cookie lying on my desk right now and if you’ll excuse me I need to show it some lovin’ if you know what I mean. Till next time fellow lovers. Cheers!

~YEE YEE!

Hearts&Sheit! <3

Grab an Eff it attitude.

I came to a sudden realization today… As odd as it sounds it was after my mom got into a vicious argument with some pompous arrogant asshole that was speeding down (what is clearly) a residential area. This is not the first time I have experienced something like this… but this is definitely the last time it will hurt me (like situations like this usually do). She was backing out of our driveway and beeped at the freak to indicate that he needs to slow down. He got really angry and stopped his car right there and immediately started screaming stuff out of his window. My mom got out of the car and reciprocated his kind gesture (that was of course… sarcasm), so as a response I walked out and stood beside her trying to … break them up I guess? My theory has always been that if someone is mad, calm them down… no need to scream, which is what I tried to do. So I asked the man to quiet down and leave while telling my mom to go back into the car. They were both yelling at each other and I just wanted them to stop so everyone can get back to their day. (In addition I must add… my mother is not one to be messed with. That woman will fug yo shit up so damn good you will regret ever messing around with her… a story for another time friends.) So she really didn’t need anyone to “break” anything up… but I couldn’t just sit there. After wards in the car my sister and mom told me I was being too polite to a man who refused to acknowledge that he had done something wrong. When I actually thought about it… the situation really didn’t need breaking up… he deserved it. I was way too polite… I should have bashed the assholes windows in. Just to give you guys a taste of what he said to me…(forgive me...)

“Is your dad home? Tell him to come out so I can kick his ass”

“You f*cking b*ch, shut the f*ck up”

“look, oh look that b*ch is coming back… let’s see what she has to say” (he was referring to my mother)

                I figured that if you respond with calmness people calm down and you can talk things out. But the truth is… the person inside will stay the same (and I think that’s the saddest part). He might be able to calm down and listen on the spot for that moment (I am not NOT saying that what this dude did… he didn’t.) but then… but he’s probably going to go home and still continue being the person he is. Someone who is unrestrained, narcissistic, unable to take on someone else’s perspective, and isn’t concerned about other people’s emotions. While I am standing there thinking about how he must be feeling… trying to break up the argument in a peaceful way. Why should I care about granting respect to a person who is wrong and refuses to be respectful? In the end what seems to upset me the most is that there are many people like this. They have bigger mouths then brains… sadly. He was in the wrong yet he did the most screaming. The problem is I always come out with this assumption that people are as…. sensitive as I am (yeah I said it. I am sensitive, I admit it. And you know what it’s not a bad thing. It makes people more human, self-aware and empathetic.) The truth is people are not as sensitive; most don’t give a shit about… anything actually. And this is what I have realized today (not from this single experience... but a collection of them and how I react to them).

I have always found ways to calm myself down when I get angry and have used them so much that they have become a part of who I am and how I react. And you know what… yeah I was way too polite. This was a man who couldn’t respect anyone and clearly had no self-restraint or concern for others. Why the hell should I give a damn? Thinking about it now… even writing about it gets me so angry. I hate conflict (pretty sure everyone does) but it really does something to me from the inside. It definitely has to do with anxiety. So I try my best to end it. And I’ve made a habit of it, trying to end it as soon as it arises that is. But in this situation… man I should have bust out a crow bar and bashed the shit out of his car. Honestly.

But I must say, in situations where my family is concerned I get much more emotional. I can handle someone screaming at me and dude… ill pull yo hair out no problem (watch yoo back son…aw sheit). But if someone says something about my family or friends, anyone I love I get especially emotional (cheese… so much cheese). But what I have realized is this “problem of politeness”. It’s a good habit, but in the right situations… and to those who deserve it. What I learned today is… sometimes you have to say f*ck it. The truth is… sometimes people don’t deserve the respect you’re giving them. Like the fellow I had the misfortune of bumping into today and you have to know when and who deserves it. So yes self-restraint is a very good thing… but sometimes people need to learn that they can’t go around screaming at whoever they want with no consequences.

Basically in the end when we said “stay right there and let me call the cops, I have your license plate down” (since he refused to move anyways, might as well command him to stay there… little bit of reverse psychology there for ya. Oh and we didn’t actually have his license plate number down… we were bluffing lol). The next minute we saw the dude driving away like he was in the movie fast and furious… pathetic.

So hearts&sheit are really nice. Love is great and peace is awesome. But I think I’ve learned today that there are people in the world who will continue to make my forehead turn a terrible red colour (due to all the face-palming I must do of course). And as much as I want to think that the world is full of amazing people, encounters like this just further lessen my hope in humanity. People are not as sensitive as I think they are. They are not as emotional and they are not as concerned for others as I like to think they are. People tell lies, they backstab, they intentionally make you feel discluded and worthless. But want me to tell you my therapy when I feel like all hope in humanity is lost? ART. That really is my main source of therapy. If the world you’re in sucks worse than furry monkey balls, create your own! And when I am ready to mesh back with humans… let’s do it. Another thing… I remind myself of all the positive people that surround me… all I really have to do is think about family and some close friends and that usually lightens the mood. Ultimately I have realized… f*ck it. Don’t think too much about what people might think in a situation… they don’t do much of it anyway. And on that note… I have decided to continue life with this eff it attitude and that includes not holding myself back in things! 

So I was scrolling down our beloved facebook when I read something someone posted. It’s your usual “you live only once, so enjoy every minute” speech thing… but as cliché as it is, it is so true. Here’s what she wrote:

"As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let us down probably will. You'll have your heart broken and you'll break others' hearts. You'll fight with your best friend or maybe even fall in love with them, and you'll cry because time is flying by. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, forgive freely, and love like you've never been hurt. Life comes with no guarantees, no time outs, and no second chances. You just have to live life to the fullest, tell someone what they mean to you and tell someone off, speak out, dance in the pouring rain, hold someone's hand, comfort a friend, fall asleep watching the sun come up, stay up late, be a flirt, and smile until your face hurts. Don't be afraid to take chances or fall in love and most of all, live in the moment because every second you spend angry or upset is a second of happiness you can never get back"

I sat there and absorbed like a sponge. For most people living life like this is relatively easy. To a certain degree I am kind of envious of people who have those crazy stories to tell about how they got a tattoo on their ass when they were way to drunk at their best friend’s birthday (oh yeah… that tattoo…..). Yeah it’s dumb but I spend more of my life thinking about my future situations then I spend actually living it. “I shouldn’t do that yet; I should use my time for something else first.” “If I mess up now, my future will be done.” TOO many concerns! I just end up stressing myself out. CALM DOWN RAV! And not everything always has to have a purpose. Some things can just…. Be. I guess that’s the hardest concept I have trouble grasping. Hopefully with my new F*ck it attitude… I’ll be able to. F*CK IT!!! *takes off clothes and runs down the hallway nude.* (and as long as Canadian laws don’t restrict me)

I always I get people telling me that they see me as a free spirit. Maybe I am a free spirit in a different way. In terms of dancing in public… being spontaneous, doing what I want in a situation… frig yeah! I’m a free spirit! But when it comes down to ultimate results of something… like future goals, or future situations… I am struck with anxiety and running in circles like a drunken mess of a woman (and I am talking bra straps hanging out… heel missing, mystery stains on the shirt and hair so messed up you’d thing she was wrestling a blender).

From now on … I am going to stop limiting myself and causing myself unnecessary anxiety… I think I am just going to go for things, think later… (or not at all, preferably).

 And so a lot of realizations in this long post (forgive me friends…) but yeah. EFF IT live life! Love life! And put people in their place when need be! And that well… It fills me up with hearts&sheit… all the good stuff. And although a lot a people in the world might not be that great. F*ck it, I have some pretty awesome people that surround me, and I am lucky enough to have them. So YEE

~YEE YEE!

Hearts&SHEIT <3