Ego, the Self, and Motivations

Its ridiculous how much clouds us from achieving true happiness. The worst thing is it's usually in ourselves and we fail to realize it... or maybe that can be a good thing. The fact that our happiness resides within ourselves can actually be good... perhaps that leaves room for improvement.

EGO
Ahhh where to begin on ego... So many people are obstructed by their egos and they don't even know it. They are easily tempered and fail to realize its source *shakes head in disappointment* I've heard some people say things like "ego is a good thing!" and I'm afraid I will have to disagree with this not-very-well-thought-out-opinion... What exactly is ego? A lot of people tend to confuse it with pride and they are NOT the same thing. Ego seems to be more internal while pride is external. Ego is attached to the self while pride is attached to something else. BUT this is not to say that the two are not linked... they can be. Ego seems to hold a sense of worth and self importance and is there from when you are a child and you learn to differentiate yourself from others (in my opinion). On the other hand I think pride can be build up... it is external and can be attached to things that have grown and can sometimes connect to this sense of self (with the ego). For example, people may be prideful of their talents and skills... like a dude who is amazing at mental math (I don't know why that popped up in my head) might be very prideful of this. Or a woman who can play guitar amazing. These talents or skills are external from the person but can attach to their ego or sense of self.

Ego tends to become a problem when it is not recognized. Usually when someone feels anger... there is a deeper root to a hurt ego. How could they do that to YOU? They didn't think about how YOU were feeling. And I know what your thinking right now probably something like "well Rav... you can't go about through life thinking your nothing and it's kinda hard not to get angry when people are so damn... STUPID sometimes" and to you my slightly hostile friend I say, yes that is true and it is hard to "get rid" of your ego. But in certain circumstances your ego really blocks you from feeling and realizing the important things. In such cases people need to do some introspection to figure out their true motives, but they never do and end up a giant emotional mess. Ever meet those people who know that they're wrong in an argument... they know they have no case (lol) but they continue to argue for the sake of arguing... well they only continue because their ego is on the line. When you get into an argument and you know your wrong but you refuse to say sorry... your not ready to drop your ego for someone you care about. Is a stupid ego really worth more than someone important to you? Fug no its not. And people tend to forget this over their egos. This ego that is so strongly connected to the self is important to people, and sometimes becomes more important than those around you... and in my opinion it really shouldn't.

Little story for you guys... (story time with Rav :D)
My brother an I never used to get along. EVER. It was war between us growing up. I always wanted a good relationship but it never worked, we were always arguing. Until one day I overheard my mom talking to a friend on the phone saying something like "when what two people are doing isn't working, its up to you to take the initiative to change the situation or nothing will ever change" and these words really sank in. So simple... so true. When I really thought about it I realized the only thing stopping me from making an active change in the situation was my ego. Why should I be nice first when he clearly doesn't care? Well if two people think with their egos and not their feelings... no one will ever make the first move. In life we always have situations like this... a mass mess of ego cycles that people just aren't ready to break. Oh suck it up will you? I really get sick of people sometimes.  I get frustrated that people care more about their egos then maintaining relationships... maybe its a matter of maturity. It really annoys me. (sorry little rant there)

ANYWAYS... back to the story. So I decided to make the first move. I started off by complimenting him every now and then and when he made little comments towards me I just ignored them rather then snapping back like I would usually do. If I had something negative to say... well I just wouldn't say it and when he did frustrate me I talked more about how it made me feel rather than accusing him of something. (interesting fact I've learned in life: Did you know the most offensive words to people are "you always" and "you never"... pay attention, people hate it. It is because you are assuming their actions. In doing so you are indirectly making a statement about who they are and implying you know them better. In order not to be offensive, point towards how you feel rather than things they have done). Eventually my brother began reciprocating my behaviour and slowly things just worked out. Today we're frikken buddies and head splitting laugh attacks fuelled by midnight trips to the grocery store mark our adventurous history together XD <3.

Moral of the story: Ego just gets in the way, let it go... you'll feel more peaceful I assure you.

This process of letting go of your ego is also what great people like Gandhi and Siddhartha Gautama talked about and tried to spread. How are you supposed to love other human beings equally when all of your energies are centred towards yourself? Let go people... you might win an argument this time and feed your ego but you actually didn't gain anything. Maybe you lost something in the process actually... maybe you lost someone's respect for you? The point I am making is... well, it won't get you anywhere except stuck in your own head.

Essential side note: for those who have poked fun at me for being "peaceful" and not reciprocating some retards (lol) instigation to "fight" or "argue" it's not because I don't get angry... and its not because I am scared. It's a matter of self control and patience. Someday you will realize this young grasshopper *pats head*. Its easy to lash out on people, but it always takes more thought to control your actions. Take control of how you respond... you don't always need to react with anger... (jus sayin') *looks around quickly*

Also... I am not saying I don't have an ego... I do -__-... but I am aware that it gets in the way and I make an effort to realize when my emotions are fuelled by my ego. When I realize it, I can work on it. So I guess the point of this blog post was to ask people to really think about what it is that really fuels their reactions, think about it... then respond.

"In a controversy the instant we feel anger we have already ceased striving for the truth, and have begun striving for ourselves."-Buddha

Well beautiful readers of this blog... stay smiling and cheers! Till next time, open yourselves up, find a little inner peace man you deserve it :D <3 

~YEE YEE!

Hearts&Sheit....and true happiness. 

Romantic Love vs. Platonic Love?

This sculpture is called "Amour et Psyche" by Antonio Canova. He is by far one of my favourite sculptors. He was amazing. If you know Greek mythology you might know the story behind this sculpture of Psyche and Eros. If you know the story, grab a cookie, you've earned one.

A new way of thinking on my part: Romantic love is not a bad thing. To me it always seemed like an underdeveloped form of love felt by teenagers with raging hormones and an obsessive mind. Romantic love, I thought, would always lead to something temporary. But recently my thoughts on this have changed. The Greeks used to believe in many different kinds of love and especially that romantic love is just as real or true as platonic love. Their thoughts on romantic love are actually quite beautiful. They thought that romantic love is an experience that pushes one to try to become a better person for another (something that people are usually not motivated to do). The experience causes you to feel strong and empowered while simultaneously expose your vulnerability. As much of a paradox as it may seem, to them, it was a divine concept that held only positivity.

 Just because something might be temporary does not mean it is not important or should not be considered. Temporary always seemed like a negative thing to me. But it is not necessarily something bad. Life is temporary, furniture is temporary even our emotions are. The Japanese would make much of their furniture out of wood to symbolize the impermanence of life (damn Japanese adding artsyness in everything…). But the temporary nature of something should not take away from the legitimacy or realness of it. After an interesting discussion with my sister I came to this realization. To tell you the truth… whenever someone I would talk to spoke so strongly about “love” and how close they feel to someone, my brain rolled its eyes… (lol). I always figured that this sort of love is just…. Mm… well these people clearly don’t know what they’re talking about because they may feel this temporary love now but they will eventually move on. But now I think I realize that even if you do move on, the understanding of such an abstract idea is… enlightening. I am the type of person that always needs a conclusion to something. So abstract emotions, something temporary and inconclusive… not so much my thing. But I understand now (thank you Greeks… and sister…) that sometimes the very abstract and temporary notion of something can be the most meaningful and beautiful.

Upon further analysis (with sister Sehmbi of course) we came to the conclusion that people go wrong when they try to materialize their love. A feeling so strong and so abstract, we try to fit it into a person. We expect perfection and maybe people who are in this form of love are slightly idealistic. So basically what I am struggling to say is this: we try to materialize such a vast and abstract thing into a person, whether they are good for us or not, our need to materialize what we are feeling sometimes might outweigh the reality of a situation. But it varies… some people end up finding something very meaningful… while others end up with a heart made out of super glue and millions of missing pieces.  Our need to “tell” the person, or be with them is simply the want we have to try to explore and understand the feeling.

Some people end up a mess… and for others (who have found someone with the same feelings/ideals/concepts/emotionality) it works out. But the idea I’m looking at here is this: that one does not always need to express this feeling, and sometimes life seems to work out best when they don’t. When projecting this ideal on someone else (in an attempt to materialize it) I think we might only find disappointment (I am not saying you shouldn’t tell someone the way you feel, but I am simply saying that its always better to have an understanding of the other person and think about things realistically). Imagine romantic love with someone you know is not good for you. Your future holds heart breaks and maybe even never seeing this person again. So I guess my opinion on this matter is very… um individualistic. It’s an experience for the self that doesn’t always require reciprocation from the other person (but of course for those who get it, it’s always a good thing—if it works out that is). Sometimes the best way to channel something so abstract might just be in an abstract way. Think art, music, photography, or dance. Jez… it’s no wonder people sing so much on this topic, it’s a pretty damn intense one (Adele… I feel ya bro, I feel ya… not really…but a part of me yes). Anyways main point here: an understanding of a feeling that can be so divine cannot be fulfilled in a person… (sometimes it can :3). So… this energy can be taken out abstractly, just in the way that it came :]

Anyways a beautiful concept that I have open my mind to. Speaking of love… there is a chocolate chip cookie lying on my desk right now and if you’ll excuse me I need to show it some lovin’ if you know what I mean. Till next time fellow lovers. Cheers!

~YEE YEE!

Hearts&Sheit! <3

Love or Obsession?

I am in love with this new artist I was recently introduced to. My my. <3 Hearts be spewing outta me chest matey. She rocks the style of the 50's so absolutely beautifully... *tear* if only I could touch that... perfectly waved hair.... @_@

If you liked this song, check out some of these!

-Summer Time Sadness http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jHLR5wjgxi4&feature=BFa&list=PLCFD38292CDD36CB0 

-Dark Paradise http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DBT9H30IklM&feature=BFa&list=PLCFD38292CDD36CB0

-Kill Kill http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mrziYF6bVAE&feature=BFa&list=PLCFD38292CDD36CB0

I think this video holds a very powerful meaning... such a beautifully packaged gift. How I see it, what we sometimes think might be love, causes us to "drown" ourselves in our expectations and ideals. The same expectations and ideals end up creating a wishful identity for the other person and we become virtually blind to any other flaws they might have. I like how the video clearly depicts these ideas. After gracefully undressing the tattoo covered hunk (we shall refer to him as tattoo Timmy) he literally drowns the pretty little Lana and then pulls her into the water completely at the end. Not to mention this whole idea of “blinded love” when someone thinks they're in love. Tattoo Timmy looks like an alligator underwater but above water Lana can only see his human side... or rather, what she wants to see. So simple... and so beautiful! *tear*.

Lets take a quick looksie at the lyrics:

“You were kind of punk-rock

I grew up on hip-hop

You fit me better

Then my favorite sweater

 And I know that love is mean, and love hurts

But I still remember that day we met in December”

"I will love you till the end of time

I would wait a million years 

promise you'll remember that you're mine 

Baby can you see through the tears?

Love you more 

Than those bitches before 

Say you'll remember, oh baby, say you'll remember 

I will love you till the end of time"

(WAIT... when did she snag in "bitches" I didn't even hear her say that O_O Is it just me or does her swearing sound hella classy? Lol)

When I read the first chunk of the lyrics the little metaphor of tattoo Timmy being half-alligator and half-man made even more sense. She says that he was sort of punk-rock while she grew up on hip-hop. Then she goes on to say that he fit her better than her favorite sweater. I think she’s making reference to the fact that punk-rock and hip-hop are extremely different. With the sweater, I think here she’s throwing out the idea that she made him fit, when really he didn’t. On top of water he was man but under water he was an alligator. This is further reinforcing the idea that she saw in him, what she wanted to. People seem to create the person they want to fit them, and refuse to see the reality of a situation.

The second part she says that she knows that love is mean, and love hurts. But she remembers the day they met. I feel like here, she acknowledges that their love is not working but she wants to latch on to the love they had in the beginning, when they first met. In my opinion here’s the part where people screw themselves over (O_o aww sheit). I feel like people grow accustomed to the type of relationship they might be in, weather it is good or bad and end up sticking to it simply because it’s all they know. It seems like sometimes people don’t want “what they had before” to be deemed useless, so they stay together regardless of their compatibility. If they do break up… they are acknowledging that they may have been naively idealistic of the other person and end up devaluing what they had before. So it’s a complex battle between belief (what we initially thought) and denial (what we refuse to accept). In all honesty though, accepting that you have been idealistic is a hard task. If you do accept it what might follow for some is this idea that we will never find anyone. Maybe to avoid this we don’t acknowledge our lack of judgement. When all is stripped down the truth is if two people are not compatible… they just aren't.

When I read the other part of these lyrics the words that come to mind are passion, obsession and maybe dedication. But maybe passion is easily confused as obsession? Where is the line drawn between stubbornness to follow our obsession and a passion for something? Maybe when people think they are in love, they confuse it with obsession. Maybe it’s a glitch in the relay of info to your conscious mind.  Basic Obsessive compulsive disorder has simple steps which start with obsession over something (such as... germs) and then heightened levels of anxiety and autonomic arousal... (heart rate increase, sweating etc.). In order to lower this level of arousal the individual makes use of compulsive behaviour. So basically we have an obsession, anxiety and then compulsion to ease the anxiety and people with this disorder viciously follow this cycle. Help is needed to break this cycle, where an individual is taught how to refrain from obsessing and of course medication for the physiological problem. 

Maybe this can be applied to the sort of "love" I'm talking about. The obsession caused by the brain... and us creating an ideal identity for this person. In order to ease this obsession we must interact with the person, as our compulsion. Wait so am I saying that people who get too obsessed with a lover and label it passion can actually be a mild case of obsessive compulsive disorder? Maybe my psychology degree sucks out any ounce of romance I may have left in my empty little soul or maybe it's true. We all have mild forms of many disorders; maybe we can use OCD as an example to describe the cyclic nature of this kind of relationship.

Well ladies and gentlemen relationships are a complex thing, but in the end I guess the most important thing is self-knowledge and introspection. If you know exactly how you’re feeling and why you won’t really have a problem. It’s the people that usually jump first and think later that end up confused.

And on that note, I shall wrap this up by saying… that I am intensely eyeing that apple fritter sitting on my kitchen counter… no I have not quickly ended this blog post because I want to warm it up and eat it while watching an episode of the legend of Korra (maybe). Till next time, Turrah! (art attack reference?)

~YE YEE!

Hearts&Sheit! <3 :3 

Pretty Poem

You say that you love rain, 

but you use an umbrella to walk under it... 

You say that you love the sun, 

but you seek shade when its shining... 

You say that you love the wind, 

But you close your windows when it comes... 

This is why I am afraid; 

when you say you love me...

                                                                                                                  --unknown 

So I found this poem while surfing about on the internet and no one seems to know who it's by... Some say Shakespeare and others, Bob Marley. To me... it doesn't seem like the work of either. Regardless, what a beautiful little poem. :)  

Interesting how we say we love something, but it turns out that love is dependent on circumstances. Can we generalize this for love among humans? Perhaps we can. A love for another human being might be dependant on the person we think they are whether they might be a friend, sibling or lover. Again falling into that subjective world we create for ourselves. We have an idea of a person based on their acts and consistent behaviour, but that is not the whole of their personality, it is just what we have witnessed from it. So how much of a person do we really know without getting to sit inside their litto noggin? Maybe not much. Since we create their personality from what we have collected... and from our own evaluations of them (which are made in relation to past experiences dealing with different types of people). So maybe we love the idea of them that we create for ourselves. And maybe when their character is outside of the idea we made... we "use an umbrella and walk under it". 

But it is true that we will move away from even the things that we love if they cause discomfort... quite a natural response. 

mmm... interesting concept :)

~YEYEE

Hearts&Sheit... all the good stuff :3

Sweet and Simple

If everyone took care of each other... we wouldn't have to take care of ourselves... XD <3 
Seems like a cheesy idea, but nothing can be more true. Is it really that hard to be nice?  For all the people who wake up in the morning with the intention of hurting someone, wtf bro? You my friend, need something better to do. It may just be your own insecurities getting the best of you...control it! What I think is the most interesting part of this is that people think they understand themselves when really, manz dont know why he be acting like an ass. There's a reason for everything someone does, no action is pointless. So to the man acting an' ass (the double A...) I say.. gettcho sheit sorted out son!

I've met some people in my life, whose negativity astounds me. I read a quote once... It went something like "we either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same."
Its the same with positivity and negativity, take your pick...you can either waste your energy in making the world you live in more shittier or you can make it a little bit more filled with hearts... I personally go for the hearts. <3

~hearts and sheit. ye yee