I met a guy a few weeks back who
said he had social anxiety. He was a chilled out dude and you wouldn’t think he
felt anxiety around people because he looked relatively comfortable. We
continued our conversation and he said he took pills for his anxiety. He said
that when he was younger he thought it was really “uncool”, but the older he grew
the more he realized it was natural. We had a brief conversation on judgement,
anxiety about the future and a little bit of psychology stuff. He was a cool
cat, and it was nice to meet someone who was more… Mm open about things? Yeah I
think that’s it. Usually when you meet people they don’t elaborate on their
anxieties or talk much about their fears but this guy did, which was cool. Twas
nice. Twas refreshing.
This guy struck me as an all-around
good person, maybe sensitive and a little shy. We talked about anxieties and focused
on how people miss out on life because their thinking too much about their past
or are too fearful about their future. I was about to bust out a Buddha quote…
but I figured it wasn’t the right time. But for you guys… this is what flashed
in my head “the secret of health in body and mind is not to mourn for the past,
worry about the future, or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present
moment wisely and earnestly.” It’s definitely a hard thing to do that’s for
sure. I know for me, living in the present is especially difficult. I’m
constantly stressing about something stupid I might have said or how I know I have
no future (here we go again, you get the stretcher I’ll get the chocolates… [to
wake her up of course]). But the truth is we forget today for moments that have
far past and for ones we don’t know. I guess in the end it all relates to
having a sense of inner peace and being able to simply let go and just… be. You
definitely need a sense of inner peace to be able to accept that you can’t
control everything, and you need to let go.
We talked about how his social
anxiety is related to how he has a fear of being judged. He joked around saying
“there’s something about eye contact that freaks me out” after which I made
direct eye contact with him and stared intently… while slowly twitching one
eye. He just kinda stared at me… I hope he understood that was a joke… and I’m
not really that creepy (but oh well). Through conversation I realized a lot of his
fears were the same as mine. “You’re scared of judgement because you assume
others judge you as harshly as you judge yourself”. I looked at him and he
agreed. Can we assume those that are not scared of judgements are not as tough
on themselves? Maybe we can maybe that’s why they’re so free.
Everyone is scared of judgement
to a certain extent, they are scared of being sliced apart and analyzed, they’re
scared of being rejected and reminded that they don’t really have a purpose. A
lot of people find their own purpose in others. The meaning of life you could
say is fulfilled by appreciation. You are surrounded by people who like you,
admire you and you are instantly given purpose. When someone likes you or
appreciates you they give you permission to be what you are at that moment, its
saying “hey, that’s acceptable” simple operant conditioning. When they like
you, you feel special… the truth is everyone on this planet wants to feel
special in some way, we want to know that we are important in some way, shape
or form—we want purpose.
Flirting always confused me. One
day I asked a (flirtatious) friend of mine… “hey… why do you flirt?” to which
she responded “cuz its fun”. So I asked myself why she might feel like it’s
fun. You are gaining approval from someone when you’re flirting back and forth
with them. They are fuelling your sense of confidence, they are indirectly
giving you purpose. I have never been able to flirt nor do I think I’ll be able
to… jus sayin… that would be the most awkward conversation ever. The most I’ve done
is used a super cheesy pick up line on (a really cute) dude who looked like he
was a part of some sort of SWAT team or something… (I REGRET NOTHING… although
any fragments of dignity I had may have virtually dissipated into the heavens
above). So maybe the real reason why people are so scared of being judged is
because there is that chance that the other person won’t like you—that moment
when you are reminded you have no ultimate purpose.
When you’re afraid to approach
someone because you’re scared they’re going to reject you, go for it anyways. Perhaps
when our sense of purpose holds its roots in others we will continue to be afraid
of judgement, it’s when you can pull that sense of purpose into a permanent
spot within the self, is when peoples
judgements towards you don’t matter. It’s a hard thing, but doable. So I guess
approach an acquaintance and start talking… chances are that they’re feeling
just as vulnerable as you are.
That’s all for now ladies and
gents. It was refreshing to meet this sweet young fellow, hopefully I’ll bump
into him again and get to have another conversation. Till next time Turrah!
(yes that was an art attack reference and if you don’t know that show I don’t
want to be your friend anymore… yes just leave. Never come back… okay I’m
joking… but seriously what’s wrong with you?)
~YEE YEE!
Hearts&Sheit…and shitty pick up lines!
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