Grab an Eff it attitude.

I came to a sudden realization today… As odd as it sounds it was after my mom got into a vicious argument with some pompous arrogant asshole that was speeding down (what is clearly) a residential area. This is not the first time I have experienced something like this… but this is definitely the last time it will hurt me (like situations like this usually do). She was backing out of our driveway and beeped at the freak to indicate that he needs to slow down. He got really angry and stopped his car right there and immediately started screaming stuff out of his window. My mom got out of the car and reciprocated his kind gesture (that was of course… sarcasm), so as a response I walked out and stood beside her trying to … break them up I guess? My theory has always been that if someone is mad, calm them down… no need to scream, which is what I tried to do. So I asked the man to quiet down and leave while telling my mom to go back into the car. They were both yelling at each other and I just wanted them to stop so everyone can get back to their day. (In addition I must add… my mother is not one to be messed with. That woman will fug yo shit up so damn good you will regret ever messing around with her… a story for another time friends.) So she really didn’t need anyone to “break” anything up… but I couldn’t just sit there. After wards in the car my sister and mom told me I was being too polite to a man who refused to acknowledge that he had done something wrong. When I actually thought about it… the situation really didn’t need breaking up… he deserved it. I was way too polite… I should have bashed the assholes windows in. Just to give you guys a taste of what he said to me…(forgive me...)

“Is your dad home? Tell him to come out so I can kick his ass”

“You f*cking b*ch, shut the f*ck up”

“look, oh look that b*ch is coming back… let’s see what she has to say” (he was referring to my mother)

                I figured that if you respond with calmness people calm down and you can talk things out. But the truth is… the person inside will stay the same (and I think that’s the saddest part). He might be able to calm down and listen on the spot for that moment (I am not NOT saying that what this dude did… he didn’t.) but then… but he’s probably going to go home and still continue being the person he is. Someone who is unrestrained, narcissistic, unable to take on someone else’s perspective, and isn’t concerned about other people’s emotions. While I am standing there thinking about how he must be feeling… trying to break up the argument in a peaceful way. Why should I care about granting respect to a person who is wrong and refuses to be respectful? In the end what seems to upset me the most is that there are many people like this. They have bigger mouths then brains… sadly. He was in the wrong yet he did the most screaming. The problem is I always come out with this assumption that people are as…. sensitive as I am (yeah I said it. I am sensitive, I admit it. And you know what it’s not a bad thing. It makes people more human, self-aware and empathetic.) The truth is people are not as sensitive; most don’t give a shit about… anything actually. And this is what I have realized today (not from this single experience... but a collection of them and how I react to them).

I have always found ways to calm myself down when I get angry and have used them so much that they have become a part of who I am and how I react. And you know what… yeah I was way too polite. This was a man who couldn’t respect anyone and clearly had no self-restraint or concern for others. Why the hell should I give a damn? Thinking about it now… even writing about it gets me so angry. I hate conflict (pretty sure everyone does) but it really does something to me from the inside. It definitely has to do with anxiety. So I try my best to end it. And I’ve made a habit of it, trying to end it as soon as it arises that is. But in this situation… man I should have bust out a crow bar and bashed the shit out of his car. Honestly.

But I must say, in situations where my family is concerned I get much more emotional. I can handle someone screaming at me and dude… ill pull yo hair out no problem (watch yoo back son…aw sheit). But if someone says something about my family or friends, anyone I love I get especially emotional (cheese… so much cheese). But what I have realized is this “problem of politeness”. It’s a good habit, but in the right situations… and to those who deserve it. What I learned today is… sometimes you have to say f*ck it. The truth is… sometimes people don’t deserve the respect you’re giving them. Like the fellow I had the misfortune of bumping into today and you have to know when and who deserves it. So yes self-restraint is a very good thing… but sometimes people need to learn that they can’t go around screaming at whoever they want with no consequences.

Basically in the end when we said “stay right there and let me call the cops, I have your license plate down” (since he refused to move anyways, might as well command him to stay there… little bit of reverse psychology there for ya. Oh and we didn’t actually have his license plate number down… we were bluffing lol). The next minute we saw the dude driving away like he was in the movie fast and furious… pathetic.

So hearts&sheit are really nice. Love is great and peace is awesome. But I think I’ve learned today that there are people in the world who will continue to make my forehead turn a terrible red colour (due to all the face-palming I must do of course). And as much as I want to think that the world is full of amazing people, encounters like this just further lessen my hope in humanity. People are not as sensitive as I think they are. They are not as emotional and they are not as concerned for others as I like to think they are. People tell lies, they backstab, they intentionally make you feel discluded and worthless. But want me to tell you my therapy when I feel like all hope in humanity is lost? ART. That really is my main source of therapy. If the world you’re in sucks worse than furry monkey balls, create your own! And when I am ready to mesh back with humans… let’s do it. Another thing… I remind myself of all the positive people that surround me… all I really have to do is think about family and some close friends and that usually lightens the mood. Ultimately I have realized… f*ck it. Don’t think too much about what people might think in a situation… they don’t do much of it anyway. And on that note… I have decided to continue life with this eff it attitude and that includes not holding myself back in things! 

So I was scrolling down our beloved facebook when I read something someone posted. It’s your usual “you live only once, so enjoy every minute” speech thing… but as cliché as it is, it is so true. Here’s what she wrote:

"As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let us down probably will. You'll have your heart broken and you'll break others' hearts. You'll fight with your best friend or maybe even fall in love with them, and you'll cry because time is flying by. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, forgive freely, and love like you've never been hurt. Life comes with no guarantees, no time outs, and no second chances. You just have to live life to the fullest, tell someone what they mean to you and tell someone off, speak out, dance in the pouring rain, hold someone's hand, comfort a friend, fall asleep watching the sun come up, stay up late, be a flirt, and smile until your face hurts. Don't be afraid to take chances or fall in love and most of all, live in the moment because every second you spend angry or upset is a second of happiness you can never get back"

I sat there and absorbed like a sponge. For most people living life like this is relatively easy. To a certain degree I am kind of envious of people who have those crazy stories to tell about how they got a tattoo on their ass when they were way to drunk at their best friend’s birthday (oh yeah… that tattoo…..). Yeah it’s dumb but I spend more of my life thinking about my future situations then I spend actually living it. “I shouldn’t do that yet; I should use my time for something else first.” “If I mess up now, my future will be done.” TOO many concerns! I just end up stressing myself out. CALM DOWN RAV! And not everything always has to have a purpose. Some things can just…. Be. I guess that’s the hardest concept I have trouble grasping. Hopefully with my new F*ck it attitude… I’ll be able to. F*CK IT!!! *takes off clothes and runs down the hallway nude.* (and as long as Canadian laws don’t restrict me)

I always I get people telling me that they see me as a free spirit. Maybe I am a free spirit in a different way. In terms of dancing in public… being spontaneous, doing what I want in a situation… frig yeah! I’m a free spirit! But when it comes down to ultimate results of something… like future goals, or future situations… I am struck with anxiety and running in circles like a drunken mess of a woman (and I am talking bra straps hanging out… heel missing, mystery stains on the shirt and hair so messed up you’d thing she was wrestling a blender).

From now on … I am going to stop limiting myself and causing myself unnecessary anxiety… I think I am just going to go for things, think later… (or not at all, preferably).

 And so a lot of realizations in this long post (forgive me friends…) but yeah. EFF IT live life! Love life! And put people in their place when need be! And that well… It fills me up with hearts&sheit… all the good stuff. And although a lot a people in the world might not be that great. F*ck it, I have some pretty awesome people that surround me, and I am lucky enough to have them. So YEE

~YEE YEE!

Hearts&SHEIT <3