Ever feel like no matter how much
you try to avoid an issue, the more it chases you down? Sometimes it seems like
when you neglect something the world works to bring it towards you, saying “OKAY
buddy, you need to work this out”. That’s
kind of what seems to have been happening with me recently. I guess the universe
works in mysterious ways.
I have never been the kind of
person to understand “signs”. It seems, with me, whenever all arrows point
right, I go left. Whenever they point left, I go right… and whenever they’re
like f*ck it you pick… I… well, jebus I can’t decide. I am utterly ungraceful
in my physical existence… but am even worse in my emotional and metal
existence. The funny thing is I am a psychology major. Inner motives, emotional
states, and mental disorders continue to amaze me and I enjoy observing others.
But when it comes to me… I think I might be a tad bit of a mess, perhaps
choosing to focus on how others behave because I can’t even understand myself
(oh no… she’s hit rock bottom. You grab the booze I’ll get the cakes and
pastries).
So formalities, what are they
anyways? They’re important (I believe…)
but only if they are genuinely felt. They
are a way to communicate your authentic gratitude and feelings about something.
But perhaps when they are used too often, they become mere habit without the honest feelings needed for their base. When
you take away the base of what formalities should be what do they become? They
become empty actions. The empty action is then meaningless, utterly useless and
insignificant. And the truth is ladies and gents, people can see right through
it. That’s right! They may not say it, but people can sense a genuine feeling,
or rather, lack of it. I generally find myself retreating after meeting someone
that comes of a little… uhh… dare I say it? Fake. So why use such empty habits?
Perhaps formalities can serve as armour. Their sole purpose, then, becomes to
shield others from seeing who you really are (in a way). Politeness is
generally accepted by everyone, you can never offend someone, you can’t hurt
them and you definitely can’t get close to them. You lead a relationship on the
surface. So essentially what I am saying is that politeness can be a sort of
defense mechanism used by the fearful.
Truth is I use it all the time
(which I have recently noticed). It seems like my existence becomes far too oriented
towards the perceptions of others. Sometimes you just need to turn around and
say f*ck it. I am not one to give myself away completely to someone, there
always is a sense of formality, which I like and I don’t think I really want to
change. But when the formalities loose their meaning, they end up creating copied
and pasted characters essentially just leading a role play game, which is
something I don’t want. You become comfortable in this “role” and without
knowing it creates boundaries by itself. Being constricted! That’s one thing I
hate, then why the heck do it to myself?! (aw sheit… girls be getting all
personal). Well less personal and more… realistic. Little inner therapy session
for Rav, if you will. Not that it is of interest to anyone else, but perhaps
you have felt this way too? In that case you must say FUG IT friend! And you
must spread your wings like peanut butter and jelly (NO! NEUTELLA O_O) and fly
freely! *cough* anyways… I have an odd relationship with this bloggity of mine.
Whenever anything is occupying my mind I can blog and it’s almost like closure
on the topic. It becomes an opened and closed case, which is nice to have. A friend
once told me that writing is cheap therapy… I would have to say, I can’t agree
more.
And that friends… well that fills me up with
hearts&sheit.
~YEE YEE
Hearts&Sheit… <3
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